How to Win a Million Dollars is a madcap, self-deprecating, laugh-out-loud coming-of-age memoir. That takes readers on an adventure through the wildly inventive, sometimes-questionable, but always entertaining schemes of a boy who would do anything to make it big.

Growing up as a gay Catholic schoolboy in a tiny Mississippi River town surrounded by cornfields, Luke's imagination was constantly set on fire by million-dollar daydreams and DIY hustles. Whether it was hunting down the missing Cap'n Crunch or gaming McDonald's Monopoly, no scheme was too ridiculous, no shortcut too far-fetched. With his trusty Hustler bike and a mountain of determination, Luke didn't just dream-he plotted.

Set in the 1980s, this is the story of a kid with a knack for scamming, hustling, and occasionally crashing and burning-all in the pursuit of that elusive big win. From navigating a Catholic school playground full of bullies to trying to "make it" out of a blue-collar family, Luke was always on the move, cooking up his next big adventure. Dragging his little sister-turned faithful sidekick-into trouble at every turn, her sweet voice was always in his ear, making us wonder: is he conning her, or is she saving him from himself?

As Luke grew up, so did the schemes-evolving into a real-life Broadway Cinderella story (dirty hands and all), a stint as an artist in Paris, and even facing a curse from a vengeful Hawaiian goddess. With razor-sharp wit and heartfelt vulnerability, How to Win a Million Dollars and BEEP Glitter! explores the glittering highs and crushing lows of chasing the American Dream in a world shaped by Reaganomics, dyslexia, and the crumbling façade of opportunity. From paperboy scams to going for broke in the App Store, and even an experimental spin with AI, Luke's journey proves that while everything can fall apart at any moment, the ride-chaotic, messy, and wildly imperfect-is the real prize. And maybe, just maybe, there's still a million-dollar dream out there, waiting to be won.